Grafitti…. Between Loretta Lynch, FIFA and Kashamu

Loretta Lynch is not your average American attorney. She is built like a tent peg with a serrated threshing edge. When it comes to enforcing the law, she drives deeper than her wooden counterpart. Her sharp points have nailed behemoths of politics at home and in the world of finance. From the way she has been recycled between US administrations, and her record longest wait for confirmation into public office by the Congress, there’s something uncommon in her drive that makes them recycle her.

Unlike other black women who have been in public office, this 57-year old is not out to woo anyone with her handsome face other than her beau Stephen Hargrove who in 2007 made her his prison mate with an expensive finger cuff. She is not like Condoleeza Rice, who charmed the entire Quattafi household. The reasons are simple; Ms Lynch does not do too many smiles. It doesn’t come with the job. If you have a reputation for taking down the behemoths of corruption and the juggernauts of sleaze; have a hold on the most dreaded financial hunt dog – the IRS, and can make the FBI and perhaps the CIA do your bidding; in America your friends are bound to be the few who walk the straight and narrow path. If Ms Lynch could read fat law books, she should be able to preach a sermon, her pop was a vicar.

Rather than remedy her notoriety, Ms Lynch gave the usually tough English something to moan about other than the weather. She touched their jugular, the administration of their most favourite pastime since RSPCA and PETA put fox hunting behind the Bunsen burner of entertainment and replaced it with – football or as her compatriots renamed it – soccer. She sent shock waves down the Bundesliga and made past and present administrators of any football association in the 206 groups that made up FIFA double check their GPS. She announced with candid gusto that she was dismantling FIFA’s World Cup of Sleaze and one of her linesmen added that they were giving FIFA the Red Card. The global audience is either moaning or applauding. Only Vladimir Putin has read anything but altruistic to it. In Putin’s world foul is fair if it rankles the Americans.

Yes, yours sincerely is not a football fan but Ms Lynch forced all lovers of accountability to double-check recently. We’ve all suspected that FIFA ran more than club signings, transfers, human loans and match-fixing adjudication. In Nigeria, we know the antecedents of several football association officials and those who imported and exported corruption in round leather balls. So, we were bound to pay a little attention.

Before any of the old NFF or NFA officials use their unexpired US visa, they are bound to do some introspection or speak to their dibia. But Ms Lynch is what you can call the short-put version of the long arm of the law. She knows that with time, her office may have to send more than Buruji Kashamu’s extradition request. The ominous clouds are gathering and there may be no hiding place for those who built their sleazedom with uncured round leather, not just in Nigeria but also in Africa and anywhere else in the world.

America finally acknowledges that FIFA is not just a house of football administration; it is a portmanteau word for high-stakes bribery and uncommon money laundering. This is not good at all either for football or its notoriety. It is not good for sponsors of the round leather game, and yes, Sepp Blatter may have nine lives, but even the cat knows it cannot cheat death indefinitely.

Mr. Blatter dribbled past the shame and concentrated on organising another election he always wins and of course makes excuses. It is a pachyderm gesture, known to the Nigerian politician and public official. When their subordinates mess up big time, they do not take the bullet for them, no, they form a ring of defence with excuses. Those who are fed with the moral spoon of integrity insist that Blatter and his executive ought to give soccer a berth, but it did not appear they were inclined to do that. They were ready to go ahead with the elections and nobody can stop them since morality’s colourful plumage is only persuasive. But we all know how that plan ended.

Buruji Kashamu knew what America knows, but got himself cleared and contested a senatorial election which he won. He was hoping to beat Omisore’s record, under the platform of a party in which suspects and convicts co-mingle. Buruji won round one, but from all indications, he may have exhibited the ingenuity of notorious Pablo Escobar to actualize his mandate – dig a tunnel from Ogun State to Abuja. But definitely the story is not ended yet.

– Tunde Asaju

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