Naughty wife talks: Age is just a number indeed

It’s my birthday and I was morose towards evening until one guy decided to cheer me up. He was trying to chyke me, i.e, toast me. I was amused.

A few seconds into the toasting I already knew the history of his relationship with his ex-wife: “she cheated on me and we separated. She was cheating on me so much. We have three children, here are their pictures.” He wiped out his wallet to show me the photo of his kids. “I don’t know how to chase women. I don’t even go out. So, she took the advantage to cheat on me.”

Can you imagine this! He didn’t know how to chase women and he didn’t go out at all but it took him few seconds of setting his beady eyes on me to start chasing me.

Did he know that he was lying to a woman who tells stories for a living? Anybody who lets you into the horrible details of his past or present relationship within minutes of meeting you should not be trusted. They are most likely lying to you. Or it is their pick-up lines; they use sympathy to screw girls.

So, I was amused. Guys don’t know how to chase women anymore. In our days, men took women toasting as serious business. Anyway, this guy thought I was his mate. He even asked me my age.

“I can’t tell you my age,’ I told him. ‘It is an abomination to ask a woman her real age. We are like footballers, you can never know our real age.’

Look at Siasia, after fooling everybody successfully like a true footballer should, he just blundered the other day on his wedding anniversary. Instead of ordering a cake with a ’15 years wedding anniversary’ inscription on it, he mistakenly let out the truth by allowing the baker pipe his real wedding anniversary on the cake: 30 years!

This Siasia don fall our hand o. Now, he is blaming his colleagues and friends for the mistake. Who else should know your true wedding anniversary if not your friends and colleagues?

Anyway, the only way to tell a footballer’s true age is by taking a look at his dick. No matter how athletic and youthful his whole body might look due to years of hard exercises, his wand will always show signs of years of hard use. It is not easy to slide in and out of a hairy, hot and sometimes abrasive vagina for 30 years and not feel the brunt.

The old dodger in his trousers would be all wrinkled or ashen according to the age. Even the tiny hairs around it would be greyish.

So, back to my toaster. The guy said he was going to guess my age. I said he should go ahead. “You are 28 years old,” he said.

I laughed. Did this guy think I was Cossy, the lady with the humongous knockers that can knock down a small hut. Anyway, I am not Cossy who celebrates her 29th birthday every ten years. And she is still 29. And in the next ten years she will still be 29.

The only way to tell a woman’s age is to take a peek at her VJ. The lips would be sort of wrinkled except if she is paying for Botox injection on her hunhun to make it look youthfully puffy for another ten years when she would be celebrating another 29th year birthday.

I ended the toasting by telling the guy I was married. As expected, he chose not to believe me. I didn’t care if he did, I had important things to think about and he wasn’t one of them.

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