‘Do you like porn videos,’ Bibian asked me, giggling like a girl being fingered. She is thirty-six, a year older than I. ‘l want to get one I can be watching. I feel dry and…not interested most times. I need to charge up my…’ she prattled on breathlessly.
‘Okay, okay, buy a porn video,’ I interrupted her. ‘But I don’t want one.’
She was still giggling as she forked over 200 naira to the vendor for a highly-pirated DVD bearing pictures of naked, incredibly perfect men and women with unbelievable appendages. All the women possessed melon-sized bijongas that could be torture just to keep them intact on their chests. And the men, their tools could beat a cow to death. I looked away. Not interested. Bibian spirited the sin pack into her handbag, her hands shaking. I could see she was breathless and probably wetting herself right there.
‘Take it easy, you are going to hurt yourself,’ I told her.
‘Let’s just get out of here.’ She hurried me to my car where I had parked it earlier. We were on our way from Central Area, where we went to hunt for contracts. A friend of ours, Gloria, just got herself a juicy FCDA job and we were all going crazy with happiness, having big expectations of the contracts she might push our way. It has being eight months and not even a little contract to supply pencils to any frigging office. We are no longer excited. I may be spending only my husband’s money this year. I hate it.
Inside my Mazda, she heaved a sigh as if she just breached a Boko Haram’s blockade. She fished out the DVD to relish the cover one more time.
‘Put it away,’ I said to her, disgusted and keying the car on.
She gave me a naughty smile. ‘Are you telling me you don’t watch this?’
‘Mhm.’ I was already driving.
‘This can help you and your husband a lot. It helps me a lot. It puts me in the mood.’
‘Good for you. Whatever jacks your boobs up. Where do I drop you off? Your house or the market?’
I dropped her off at home and went home straightaway. I wasn’t entirely truthful when I told Bibian that I didn’t care for porn. What I meant was that I didn’t need to buy one because I already had my own setup. A home-grown X-rated shindig for my personal pleasure. I am not a naughty wife for nothing. And today was the kind of day I get a dose of it.
I got home and my sister in-law-to-be, Philo, had done every house chores that needed to be done. She is a young thing. Younger than I but eating bigger things. Uncle Joey, my husband’s elder brother and Philo’s husband-to-be was lounging in the parlour as usual, drinking, smoking and watching TV, his bald head shining. I have been complaining incessantly regarding this behaviour but my husband was reluctant putting his feet down where his brother is. So, I have to endure his vices as best as I could.
Uncle Joey looked at me and puffed at his cigarette. I greeted him and disappeared into my room. I wasn’t seething or angry. In fact I was chuckling. He doesn’t know I have got a drop on him. I stayed in the bedroom I shared with my husband for hours while Joey and Philo brought down the house with their noises and vices, until Jimmy returned. Jimmy and I ate and went to bed. We didn’t make love. In fact we hadn’t shagged for more than a week now. We both had been too busy or simply uninterested. By eleven p.m. I could hear Joey and Philo retire to their room. I got up and slipped to the back of the house, behind their window. No one but me knew that their entire room could be seen from that part of the house. I was in time for the late night show.
Uncle Joey was already naked and walking about the room, talking in low voice. His dark muscular body glistened in the bright electric light, his massive erection swinging in front of him like a black police baton. Philo was naked too except for a piece of flimsy wrapper. She was half his size both in length and breadth, and age. A very pretty small thing. I wonder what she is doing with this brute. He had gone out one day to drink and returned with her in tow. And she never left and the next thing, he said they were getting married. And here we are. I am not objecting, as long as they are providing me with regular entertainment. Pikin wey say im mama no go sleep.
I hadn’t settled well on the paint bucket I use as seat behind their window when Joey said something, grabbed Philo’s waist and pushed her to the bed, her back to him, he bent her over and plugged his throbbing ol’soldier right into her. I almost screamed out. I had my hand over my mouth. What an animal; no fore-play?
I went back peeping. Philo was grimacing as Joey pounded her like there was no tomorrow. Ah-Ah. He was merciless and the guy is as strong as a silverback gorilla; all his muscles taut and bunching and rippling as he thrashed his wife-to-be. She was mewling like a wild cat, sometimes begging him to take it easy, her jugs clanging furiously under her, beating the bed. But that galvanised him the more as he lifted her legs up in the air behind her as if he was pushing a wheelbarrow. Kai! I Had seen enough. But the temptation was too much. I continued peeking. By then I was hot and seriously in the mood. This man is going flog this girl to pieces before he marries her o.
By the time Joey was growling his release I was picking my step back to my room. I woke Jimmy up. He stopped snoring and looked at me with bleary eyes. ‘What?’ I reached down under his boxers and took hold of his supple, warm Princess Sophia and went on to give him an excellent hand job.
I woke up in the morning, went to get our breakfast from the kitchen. I had a wonderful night. Jimmy said he liked whatever got into me. I was wild and hot for him. I met Philo in the kitchen. She looked tired and dragging her feet all over the place. But she seemed happy. Uncle Joey slept in; woke up late to his cigarettes and beer. I left to pick up Bibian. We went to comb the town again as she regaled me with what went down at her home front last night. ‘You need to learn how to watch porn,’ she advised me.
‘Nah,’ I shook my head.
Tomorrow is Valentine. I know Joey is going to be thumping Philo silly tonight and tomorrow to mark the lovers’ day. I will be there live to catch an eyeful…
My dear readers, keep in touch with this page, next Saturday, if you want to know what went down on the Valentine’s day.
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