Negotiating the impossible: Hameed Ali vs the Senate

ByIbraheem Dooba… Three thousand years ago, the war between two 800-pound gorillas of that time, Egyptian and Hittite empires, was threatening to destroy them all. They were not only losing lives and other resources, but the war was also weakening their strengths, such that they could easily become more attractive and vulnerable to attacks from other neighbours. Both parties came to a realization: they needed to end the war.

But none of them wanted to be the first to ask for peace – doing so would make the leaders of that empire appear weak to its people.
What to do?

The Egyptians and Hittites found a solution (known as the Treaty of Kadesh) that was favourable to all concerned, without damaging the reputation of anyone of them.

The strategy was so simple and effective that negotiation gurus, such as Deepak Malhotra of Harvard University, still make references to it. How did they solve the problem? Can the problem between Hameed Ali and the Nigeria Senate benefit from the treaty and similar strategies?

Obviously pressured by the need to meet its target of generating over one trillion naira in revenue this year, the Customs Service announced a policy to seize vehicles whose import duties have not been paid. But that’s not all, a scarier proposition awaits, owners of those vehicles would be prosecuted.

A national outcry followed this announcement and the Senate which never sees eye to eye with the controller general of Customs Service, Col Hameed Ali, decided to intervene. Except that Mr. Ali knocked back their intervention. Although he conceded that the offices to collect the taxes could do with an increase, and accordingly, increased the number from four to six. He also incentivized the move by promising a 60% rebate to anyone who pays his duty between March 13, 2017 and April 12, 2017.

Predictably, the Senate went wild over this affront – and decided to revisit an old bone to pick with the Customs boss. It is that of the simple matter of wearing of customs uniform. They’ve always complained that he doesn’t wear the uniform. They now want Hameed Ali to come to the National Assembly wearing it.

Read also: I’m not employed to wear uniform, Customs boss Ali dares Senate

But this time, they don’t want him to go to the Customs Committee of the Senate, as was earlier requested, but to the plenary, so that everyone could take a pound from the old soldier’s flesh. You see, whether we allow it or not, our senators are intelligent in their own special way. I never noticed – and many Nigerians also didn’t notice – that Hameed Ali wasn’t wearing a uniform!

We probably thought it wasn’t important. But the Senate has reduced the entire problem to a more manageable solution of the need for Mr. Ali to wear a uniform. Therefore, it is no longer about the chaotic situation that would ensue when the car owners besieged the customs’ offices to pay duties (it’s estimated that we’ve 10 million cars in Nigeria and half of them don’t have correct papers) and it’s also not about the law now, it’s simply about the uniform. One man. In a uniform.
And if the viral video from TVC is any indication, the stubborn old soldier is not about to yield. Rather, he has a simple one-word answer for our distinguished senators: “no!”
This maybe unknown to the senators, but Col. Ali, a former military governor, used to be known as Natanyahu in Kaduna, on account of his perceived aversion to peace. I also don’t think he’s afraid of being fired.

Therefore, when Wednesday (March 15, 2017) comes, when the Senate expect Mr. Ali to appear in the plenary, nobody would look at his face, as regular human beings do to suss out the well-being of an individual, all eyes would be on what he’s wearing: khaki or mufti?

The rest of us spectators find this pointless clash a little irritating. What is the big deal about wearing a uniform? Interestingly, this is a question you can ask both parties.
Senator Dino Melaye, an activist – who sometimes leaves us in doubt of his actual cause – graciously attempted to answer that question. Even General Hananiya, he said, wore the Federal Road Safety uniform when he was appointed the boss of the organization. Therefore, Col Ali, who retired at a lower rank than Gen. Hananiya, should follow suit, Senator Melaye said.

Col Hameed Ali, on the other hand, was curious to know if the senators were interested in the uniform or the man in the uniform. “Am I doing my work?” He retorted.
The entire clash could be reduced to one word: ego. Everybody feels important and doesn’t want to lose face. Mr. Ali doesn’t want to be told what to do by body-guard senators. And the senators feel it’s their business to tell him what to do.
The whole thing makes one want to swear. You want to shout at Mr. Ali “wearing a uniform is not a big deal!” and turn and shout at the senators “how does his refusal to wear a uniform stop him or you from doing your work?”

But good luck to you trying to argue the logic with them.
I suggest we visit the strategy of ancient Egyptians and Hittites. They solve that problem by simply writing the same agreement in two languages.
In the Egyptian, it was stated that Hittites were the ones who sought peace. In the Hittite language, it was stated that the Egyptians came to them first to ask for peace. This way, both set of leaders didn’t look weak to their people.
Except that we don’t have different languages for the National Assembly and the Customs Service. What to do?

I suggest Hameed Ali should agree to wear the uniform on special occasions and Senate should let him be on other days. And when they come to inform the public, they can spin the agreement in a way that is favourable to them. The Senate can tell us that it was Mr. Ali who conceded to wear the uniform and Hameed Ali can tell us that the senators conceded to leave him alone if he at least wears the uniform on special occasions.

No victor, no vanquished!
But, two steps should be taken first. The president or the acting president should intervene and call them for a private meeting. Two, Hameed Ali shouldn’t go to the National Assembly on Wednesday. In these days of high emotions, no positive outcome would result from that. He should instead send the Senate a request for extension – say two weeks. By that time, everyone would have calmed down and Nigerians would have moved on. And the time could be used to negotiate a permanent peace.

All in all, both parties have to first recognize that they’re already in a negotiation.

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