Of Ota chickens and ministry without shoes

Pa Obasanjo sent Jonathan a recipe for baking a national cake to celebrate Nigeria’s centenary. After many tries at deciphering Baba’s cryptic handwriting, spies alerted the president that the chicken scratch hand writing was actually carried out by one of the chickens on Baba’s farm.
He reportedly has the habit of dictating his letters to chickens to write.
Jonathan however is still trying to bake the cake five months later.
Mama Peace is starting her own church, it is called ‘Without Shoes Ministries’. She has began to prophesy and apparently has many widowers, sorry followers.
Buhari however, had that same recipe sent to him by Obasanjo, but he has forgotten how to stir, he now needs the help of the person responsible for Obama’s campaign to help him.
In the meantime he is learning the alphabet again so that he can remember names, especially the name of his running mate Oshibudi, and the party he is running for; All People’s Carpet? I forget.
Zara Buhari is teaching disenfranchised toddlers in Maiduguri how to look pretty while tying head scarfs, before they are married off, she took to twitter saying that she understood that not everyone could be as beautiful as she was, but that at least they will learn how to be women by tying headscarves properly.
It is predicted that Jonathan will lose the upcoming presidential elections, but in a miraculous turn of events, the votes will be recounted, and three days later he will emerge victorious and rid the country of corruption, and make Nigeria a paradise on earth.
-Patrick Oke Jnr.

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