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Politricks… EFCC unveils revolutionary cost-cutting measures

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By B. Gbede
Nigeria’s Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) is set to launch a special cost-cutting initiative called ‘Operation D-I-Y’, according to a highly-placed official familiar with the project.
The source disclosed: “Operation D-I-Y, short for Do-Investigate-Yourself, is a new programme we’ve created to bring increased efficiency to our investigations while simultaneously cutting down on the cost of our operations. As you’re aware we’re in the era of austerity and probity, and as the government agency primarily responsible for fighting corruption, we must be seen to be leading by example.”
As part of ‘Operation D-I-Y’, the EFCC will no longer mail printed letters to invite people for questioning. Instead it will dispatch its invitations as WhatsApp broadcasts. “We have been told that WhatsApp is even cheaper than SMS these days,” he said. “And we want our potential guests to realise that even they will benefit from this, as it will save them the cost and hassle of acknowledging receipt and replying using expensive letterheads. Now all they need to do is read the message – the blue WhatsApp tick will be accepted by us as a formal acknowledgement.”
Operation D-I-Y will also involve the deployment of Online Self-Assessment Investigative Questionnaires (OSAIQ) for persons who receive the agency’s summoning WhatsApp message. The Questionnaires will be made available on a secure section of the EFCC website, and will replace the current inefficient, expensive and time-consuming method of face-to-face “grilling.” To access the secure section where the form is located, EFCC invitees will be expected to purchase, for a “token fee”, a special EFCC scratch-card (available at all banks and major supermarkets nationwide).
“Technology is a wonderful tool, I tell you. If you know how much money we currently spend on overtime allowances for our staff who have to spend several hours questioning guests – it’s unbelievable. Now we don’t need to spend all that money anymore. We’re even thinking of laying off some people, as we won’t be needing that many people again. All our questions can now be answered in the convenience of your mansion, at your own pace.”

Read also: EFCC in another road show

Contacted for comments, one Nigerian billionaire believed to hold the record for ‘Most Frequent EFCC Visitor Ever’ said, under condition of anonymity: “There are those who might think it is a fantastic move. I am not one of them, however. I will miss being questioned in the EFCC’s VIP cell — nobody in this country serves a finer jollof rice, God knows. But I won’t say more than that.”
Analysts estimate that the EFCC will, at the rate at which it is spreading its dragnet across Nigeria, earn an estimated 2 billion naira between now and December 2015, from the sale of its scratch-cards. Our source however declined to comment on this aspect of the programme.

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