Proven ways to bounce back from a break-up

The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one. The open-endedness and plaguing questions of why and how it all went downhill can keep you up at night. We’ve all been there, waiting for answers that never came and wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn’t willing to give it.

Read also: 12 golden rules of long lasting relationship

There are tons of books and magazines on how to get him, please him and make him happy, but missing from much of that literature is practical advice on how to get what you need, whether it’s answers, closure or the will to just get over him.
Whether it was a long drawn-out break-up or one that ended abruptly without warning, below are some tips on how to move on to bigger and better things — specifically a new you.

1. Play it cool.

The first months after the end of a relationship is spent deconstructing, overanalyzing and explaining to every one you ever met what went wrong. Instead of jumping straight to the trash talk about how he wasn’t good in bed, try keeping mum on the subject. This doesn’t mean you need to praise him or avoid the topic altogether, but talking it to death will bore your friends and scare new guys away.

2. Take some responsibility.

We tend to either blame the break-up on ourselves or entirely on him, and neither really gets us anywhere. There’s a big different between wanting someone and needing someone, and if it’s the latter (which is often the case) taking some credit for the break-up will help you realize why the break-up was for the best.

3. Don’t play the victim.

Women always tend to be the helpless and wounded in movies, and it’s seemingly no different when it comes to relationships. According to the American Psychological Association, women are twice as likely to develop depression than men. Don’t get me wrong, the sympathy is nice when we feel lost and lonely, but it only makes us that much more vulnerable.

4. Work on you.

One of the worst mistakes we make after a bad break-up is letting ourselves go physically, mentally, emotionally — or all the above. We tend to break down and spend too much time in our sweat pants wallowing. And wallowing is good — even needed — for a certain period of time. But after the initial break-up shock has worn off, we need to get off the couch and take care of ourselves.

5. Refocus your life.

This step is the hardest because it forces us to admit the relationship is completely over. Sit down and make a new list of priorities and figure out what is important to you. Give precedence to your family, friends, career and yourself. Find ways to fill that time left void by him and try new things.

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