The “Delicious” Wife!

By SOC Okenwa…

The power of language is a global phenomenon dating back from time immemorial. There is something absolutely fascinating about language that every mortal is naturally ‘condemned’ to live with it. Like freedom it is beautiful when used for everyday communication or to advance a positive cause. When one is found in a place where another foreign language other than his is spoken there is bound to be some feeling of ‘lost’ in the wilderness of linguistic imagination.

The history of lingua franca or modern language around the world could be traced to the biblical Tower of Babel whose construction was designed to reach heaven! It was to be a skyscrapper that would stretch upwards until heaven was attained. The primitive community of early men building the ambitious edifice were speaking the same language. And suddenly, since the Supreme Being did not approve of the gigantic project that could be interpreted to mean another attempt at celestial coup d’etat post-Lucifer, He mightily intervened by imposing a language confusion among the builders.

The builders, united by a tall ambition of challenging the Immortal One, who were hitherto communicating with one another with ease, began to speak in different tongues eliciting misunderstanding and chaos. Alas the great building with historical consequencies never saw the light of day. The monumental project crumbled for lack of linguistic concord!

Lo and behold the whole white-elephant project was thrown into utter confusion as no one could understand anyone anymore! The real motive behind the infrastructural rebellion could be attributed to the ego of Homo Sapiens. And besides, the Adamic elements were desperate to make history by making name for themselves. The omnipotent celestial ‘dictatorial’ authority was brazenly challenged then. And even now man has continued to challenge the same unseen all-powerful force with little or no success.

The universal indispensability of language cannot be over-emphasized here. When we were babies in our cradle we learnt to speak our mother tongue gradually as we developed into full maturity. And as adults we could learn one or two foreign languages in addition to the lingua franca we were bestowed by the colonialists. Often some people would go to school to study languages (local or international). And others could learn them by their sheer determination or ingenuity.

The issue of language and its diplomatic or corporate utilisation is so significant that when a President or a corporate mogul speaks publicly, for example, the led are fully tuned in listening attentively to the words that would come out of the leader. In Nigeria many officials or stars have had to deal with grammatical challenges in the past and even presently.

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Shina Peters, for instance, made a name for himself many years ago when he was wishing someone soonest recovery. He had told the indisposed man recuperating from his malaise: “This is wishing you soonest recover”! It made headlines across the nation but Shina Peters simply defended himself by releasing a melodic album he entitled “Grammar No Be My Language”! Of course he was right as his primary language remained Yoruba.

When Goodluck Jonathan was in power as the President the Ijaw man was said to be challenged grammatically. His petulant wife, Patience, entertained the nation with her gaffes. The blunders were many but let us just quote a few: “The bombers who born them? Wasn’t it not a woman? They were once a children now a adult now they are bombing women and children making some children a widow….We should have love for our fellow Nigerians irrespective of their nationality….Why will Boko Haram bomb last churches on christmas day, they don’t have respect for Jesus, they are a very bad person, infact I’m a sadder woman right now and Mr. President is more saddest”.

Two more blunders could do here: “Yes we are all happy for the effort, it is not easy to carry second in an international competition like this one” – Mama Peace was addressing press-men after the female under-19 performance in the Fifa World Cup. And this one: “Vote umblerra and press your finger for umblerra” — she was canvassing for votes for the then ruling party (the PDP) before the fall of her husband.

Alhaji Aliyu Sabo Bakin Zuwo was a Senator in the Nigerian Second Republic who was elected Governor of Kano State, Nigeria, in October 1983. He was arrested by the Buhari regime which came to power in a coup on 31 December 1983. N3.4 billion (that was the equivalent of $5.1 million at that time and $11.56 million today) was said to be found ‘stacked-up’ in Zuwo’s home when it was searched by the new military government. And In 1985 a Special Military Tribunal sentenced him to 300 years in jail! He died in 1989.

Zuwo was an illiterate who had no formal Western education! How he rose to prominence and gubernatorial power beats one’s imagination but in Nigeria where “cerfiticates” (apology to Orji Uzor Kalu) are purchasable we may have more Bakin Zuwos in our midst today as Governors and legislators. Zuwo was once asked by a journalist the mineral resources of Kano state and he answered by saying that the state had “fanta, coke and sprite” in abundance!

Even the President, Muhammadu Buhari, could not be exempted from presidential gaffes. A man of few words and very slow to action he sometimes engaged in incoherent babblings. It took him more than six months to form his cabinet! His former driver as a military man, Corporal Tumba Garba (rtd.) had told the nation sometimes last May of a Buhari “who cares for your welfare. He wouldn’t cheat. The Buhari I know would take hours to finish a bottle of soft drink. One bottle of soft drink was too much for him to finish in five hours…He abhors corruption and is also a man of few words, who rarely speaks. He hates cheating”.

‘Baba go-slow’ seemed to have confirmed what the retired soldier-driver said about him when he hosted the South African President, Cyril Ramaphosa recently. After admitting that he failed to sign a continental free-trade agreement because he was “a slow reader, maybe because I was an ex-soldier. I didn’t read it fast enough before my officials saw that it was all right for signature. I kept it on my table. I will soon sign it”. But it would have been better, perhaps, if the President had told us about his inability to fully grasp the grammatical content of the document.

Early May this year the youthful French President, Emmanuel Macron, paid a state visit to Australia. At the press conference that rounded off the presidential trip the young President delivered his speech in English language as he normally does whenever he visits an Anglophone country. Before becoming President of France Macron worked once in Nigeria for months. He must have fallen in ‘love’ with English and tries always to project himself as a Frenchman with an English touch!

So at the press conference Macron found himself committing a rather delicious faux pas. He had referred to Mrs Lucy Hughes Turnbull, the Australian Prime Minister’s wife as “delicious”! He had said: “Thank you and your delicious wife for your warm welcome, the perfect organisation of this trip.” Meanings were instantly read into the oratorical firebomb by the Australian press but Macron was ‘forgiven’ as it were since English was not his natural language.

A week before the Sydney slip-up, he had addressed the US Congress in Washington DC in impeccable English. His speech – including a few puns and jokes – earned him a standing ovation and the praise of many on social media for his eloquence. But immaculate English, however, failed him momentarily as he thanked PM Malcolm Turnbull with reference to his beautiful wife.

The Aussie PM’s wife, given her seductive beauty, could well be described as a ‘delicious’ Eve worth ‘devouring’ in the Macronian eye. Of course she is not as old as the French first lady who, upon the expiration of her husband’s 5-year presidential mandate, would be admitted into the septuagenarian club.

 

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