Naughty Wife Diary: Feeling blue

I still feel angry and humiliated after the PH debacle. The only sliver of light in the whole mess was that the fraud of a doctor has been dealt with as I write this. He is most likely never going to molest any of his patients again.
It is taking me time to recover. I think I am slipping into depression. I keep blaming my situation for all the trouble I keep getting into. If I had had a baby soon after I got married, no doctor would use my private parts to wash hands.
Jimmy tried to cheer me up as much as he could but it’s like I am deliberately not allowing my spirit to be lifted. I am beginning to like the pity party. I just wanted to be left alone so that I could reflect on my life.
After much thinking, I decided to go for another IVF. For the third time! The previous two had failed woefully and brought with it so much grief, like I had lost children. I had sworn not to ever go for it again. It wasn’t just because of the huge money lost but the emotional toll I suffer each time the procedure failed.
But my latest ordeal gave me a kind of renewed courage to take it on one more time. I reestablished contact with the clinic and booked an appointment. I have procrastinated enough. I remembered my mother-in-law had once brought in a maid to stay with me while I had the operation. But events overtook each other and I pushed it away until now.
I called my mother-in-law. I need the maid now. I have decided not to exert myself until it is safe to do so, even if it means lying in bed throughout the nine months.
Jimmy’s mum promised to return with the girl before the month ends. My appointment with the fertility clinic was in three weeks’ time.
I felt a little relieved and happier after I got this settled. Even Jimmy noticed the change.
‘Are you happy now?’ he asked me as I told him about my arrangement.
‘Much better,’ I replied. ‘But the money involved is bothering me. We’ve spent too much on this.’
He agreed with me. ‘You are right. But what is money compared to what we are looking for?’
I sighed, exasperated. ‘I am just mad that we are spending so much on what others get for free. All they had to do was to fuck and voila. But us, even if we screw ourselves to death, nothing.’
Jimmy put his arms around my shoulder, and gave me a warm smile. ‘Darling, there are things we have they do not have. We should be grateful for that.’

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I almost asked him what, but that would be foolish. I shouldn’t be alive and healthy with a hot husband and be asking a dumb question like what have we got that others didn’t have. When Jimmy kissed my cheek, I turned to kiss his lips. I suddenly needed to show him I was grateful to have him as my husband. I didn’t want to push him away from me. A sad woman hardly keeps people around her not to talk of her husband. ‘I am grateful I have you to share this burden with. You are a good man.’
We made love. This time I was only thinking of pleasing my husband and enjoying him. The sudden burst of love for him was enough to make me climax severally even though we did only the good old missionary style. I held him so close to my body. The warmth from his naked flesh comforted me. My eyes were shut and my lips seeking his.
I later slept deep and contented. And in my dream, I was nursing a baby girl. A beautiful baby girl. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried. It was tears of joy and sadness. All mixed up.

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