Naughty Wife Talks: Stupid movies

There is something about movies that makes you lose hope in reality.
Indian films for example. You see a tough, badass guy who is so stern that he could chew bottle, swallow it without water. He beats bad guys with just one blow and talks thunder. Then, suddenly, he sees a girl and he starts singing like a canary.
Singing? What’s the hell is the relationship between a hell-rider and love songs.
I remember the one that really traumatised my childhood dreams. The Number Ten movie. You remember it? The guy that wore black leather jacket, dark glasses and a black beret. The guy hardly talked and so tough that we thought him invincible.
He was supposed to be the toughest guy in the block. With all the singing and dancing around him, he remained aloof. We expected him not to join the singers. He was my hero. All of a sudden, the dude started singing and shaking his waist.
I was shattered. Does it mean there is not even one non-singing tough guy in the whole of India?
Then, I discovered Mexican soap. You’d see a tough, tough-talking, dark guy with dark proclivities with rippling muscles or dark suits. Then, you’d think he is unbowed and beyond mere mortals. Only for the guy to succumb mid-movie and start professing love and crying for love, spewing some love poems.
Tune in to a Mexican series, the first thing you’d see is a man or woman crying for love. Either several men love one woman that has an arse that looks like a covered calabash or three women love one man.
Then after the love things they start fighting for inheritance. Then, there are life-servants eager to serve their masters until they die.

Read also: Naughty wife talks: Man on a mission

Where I come from, you are supposed to aspire to be free of your master and start your own business one day. Not in the Mexican series; a master would benevolently promise his old maid, “don’t worry, Elizabeth, no one will remove you from this house. You will serve me here until the day you die.” And Elizabeth would smile, tears of gratitude in her yes and thanks her master profusely.
That’s creepy.
Then the loverboy screws the woman he did not like because he is drunk and the woman would be pregnant with a son. I don’t think they have daughter in their vocabulary.
THEN, I discovered Korean movies. That one is hopeless. All nice girls are supposed to be stupid and acting like an imbecile.
Hollywood has exhausted their stories, now they act movies you hardly understand. They think that confusing you and shooting a lot makes you think they still got it.
That’s why I enjoy Nollywood with all their faults. At least I understand them. A wicked man maltreats his people, he is haunted by a ghost wearing Brazilian hair, Shikenah.

RipplesNigeria …without borders, without fears

Join the conversation

Opinions

Support Ripples Nigeria, hold up solutions journalism

Balanced, fearless journalism driven by data comes at huge financial costs.

As a media platform, we hold leadership accountable and will not trade the right to press freedom and free speech for a piece of cake.

If you like what we do, and are ready to uphold solutions journalism, kindly donate to the Ripples Nigeria cause.

Your support would help to ensure that citizens and institutions continue to have free access to credible and reliable information for societal development.

Donate Now