Open letter to Olu Falae

Baba welcome back. You cannot imagine how we here in Uyo prayed fervently for your safe release. We are your friends and will continue to be no matter what the Fulani herdsmen think or do. We have heard the insinuation that the Fulani Herds men are the ones after you because of your continued insistence that they should look else where apart from your farm for their cows to poo.

Well this your principled stance against the location of cow dung put you in the face of danger and that is why you have remained our hero. In Akwa Ibom we respect courage especially at the risk of personal safety. We thank God you are back even as we pray that the horrendous situation does not in any way affect your long term health and stance on cow dung.

I saw the IG of police escort you back, I read their statement purporting their brave rescue but I also read your statement showing that you walked out of the kidnappers den. This to me qualifies you to serve in Buhari’s cabinet at least in an advisory role. Nigerians need your skills in negotiation. We remain highly impressed at how you offered them N2m down from the initial N100m they had asked for. This to me comes from years of meritorious studies as a world renowned economist. The kidnappers had no chance with your mental strength.

They did not know that you had calculated the whole scenario, valued your situation and your cost to your family and admirers and arrived at the true value of N2m. Anything above that to you would be profiteering.

My relief is palpable. We request that you publish the formula in which you arrived at the N2m full and final offer you made to the sons of dogs, so that we all memorize it and use in the event of our own incarceration.

Welcome back daddy. Pls make sure you go in for a full medical checkup after which you come over to Uyo for some afang and palm wine at our own cost. We are ready to host you simply because of your uncommon courage and determination to stand on principles. Virtues that are lacking in today’s Nigeria. Uyo is world famous for our hospitality, from our soups to our women which at 77 should not interest you and our wide roads comparable only to the autobahns in Germany.

So a week with us will give you the opportunity to rest, get your blood pressure stabilized thereby putting you in a position to re strategize on the continued wahala with the Fulani Cow dung.

Read also: Pastors, private jets and their taxes

Kindly let me know if there would be a thanksgiving service so that I immediately organize one if your people are afraid that the service could be disrupted by your enemies. We will organize a befitting one here in Akwa Ibom with no Fulani person invited. We really don’t care if the guest list is unbalanced and reflective of Buhari’s initial appointments, we just want to celebrate you and thank God for bringing you out of the lions’ den victorious.

Till then, just go home and sleep, God will continue to bless and protect you and may you not see any cow or herdsmen in your dreams. Read Psalm 23 and sing the Akwa Ibom song of the faithful- ‘ Ekem ini’. You are our adopted son.

God bless Chief Falae.

RipplesNigeria …without borders, without fears

Join the conversation

Opinions

Support Ripples Nigeria, hold up solutions journalism

Balanced, fearless journalism driven by data comes at huge financial costs.

As a media platform, we hold leadership accountable and will not trade the right to press freedom and free speech for a piece of cake.

If you like what we do, and are ready to uphold solutions journalism, kindly donate to the Ripples Nigeria cause.

Your support would help to ensure that citizens and institutions continue to have free access to credible and reliable information for societal development.

Donate Now