Three men sue for right to marry laptop, multiple computers

Three men in Utah, USA have sued the state for violating their rights by not allowing them legally marry their laptop, and multiple computers.

But the Utah Attorney General’s Office says marrying a laptop is not a constitutionally protected right, particularly if it’s less than fifteen years old.

Responding to a quixotic lawsuit that aspires to undo the US Supreme Court’s recognition of same-sex marriage, David N Wolf, Assistant Attorney General of Utah, contends that being denied the opportunity to marry a laptop does not qualify as a rights violation.

“Simply put, marrying a laptop computer or multiple partners are not rights protected by the Constitution,” Wolf says in his motion to dismiss the case.

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Plaintiffs Chris Sevier, John Gunter Jr, and Whitney Kohl last year sued the State of Utah, arguing, “If individuals who self-identify as homosexuals are given substantive due process and equal protection rights to legally marry, then the plaintiffs are constitutionally entitled to enjoy those same rights afforded by the 14th Amendment.”

With these claimed rights, the plaintiffs say they want to marry as they see fit. In their complaint, Sevier is described as “a machinist, a person who desires to marry an object” and Gunter and Kohl are described as polygamists who want to marry multiple people.

Their line of argument in legal parlance is known as arguing in the alternative. It involves advancing a separate, possibly contradictory, line of argument, to show that their primary argument – for undoing legal recognition of same sex marriage – is the only logical outcome.

 

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