Politricks… ‘Goggle (sic) is your friend’, says Abobaku

By B. Gbede

 

Interview with Abobaku, aide and confidant of one of the most powerful monarchs in Nigeria. He was in the news recently after he reportedly fled the palace in unclear circumstances following the death of the King:

May we meet you?

My name is Abobakuti. A-bo-ba-ku-ti.

From our elementary Yoruba, it appears to mean: “One who will NEVER die with the King.” Are we correct?

Goggle is your friend

Until now you were known simply as Abobaku, which means “one who dies with the King” without the ‘ti’. Why did you alter Abobaku –– to Abobakuti?

Do you want my lawyer to finish the interview for me? Tell me!

So why have you been in the news?

Are you asking me? Did you not do your research before coming here? What sort of journalists are you sef?

Our readers would like to hear it from the horses’ mouth

It is your father that is horse! Your mother is a camel. Your generation is a hippopotamus!

That’s not what we meant Sir. Our readers would like to know why you’ve been trending on Twitter?

They want to cut short my destiny

Who is ‘they’?

You’re asking me? Seriously?

Yes our readers would like to know who ‘they’ are

They are they. I can’t explain it pass that. They, the world

Why do they want to cut short your destiny?

Because they say that is my destiny. That it is my destiny for my destiny to be cut short

And you disagree, right?

Of course I disagree. My God tells me I shall live and not die, I shall live to declare the glory of god

Which of the gods is that?

My God. The one I serve

Read also: Politricks… EFCC unveils revolutionary cost-cutting measures

We’re aware that the Yoruba pantheon is laden with gods…

If you want a History lesson Goggle is your friend

So tell us how life was in the Palace, as a royal aide and confidant

Wait for my book please. The Accidental Royal Servant, out soon

What do you have to say to people who say you enjoyed when it was time to enjoy but have decided to be a coward when it’s time to pay the all-important price?

It’s not true. People are talking out of ignorance. I did not sign up to pay any price. I did not enjoy anything I was not supposed to enjoy. How can I then suffer anything I was not supposed to suffer?

So why didn’t you make your views known before now?

A royal servant should be seen and not heard. That is how I have lived my life. It is circumstances that have now forced me to open my mouth now.

There are rumours you have fled abroad. Can you confirm or deny?

I cannot. Look, I have to go, if I spend too long on this call Orunmila will trace my location

One more question before you go. What is your favorite book?

You’re expecting me to say ‘Death and the King’s Horseman’ abi? Sorry to disappoint, but it’s not. My favorite book is ‘Tough times never last but tough people do.’

Thank you for your time. We wish you all the best in your future endeavours

Wish me long life please. That’s what I need…

 

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